I spent some time at the computer organising pictures @ Fotothing, and came back to the same stifness I get every time I spend time sitting down….almost impossible to walk straight away.
I try to take as a consolation the fact that I was actually sitting down until aged 5, (I was born with a double hip dislocation) and that after I took my first steps I had a very full on life, walking, dancing, runing, climbing and other kinda adventurous stuff for what the doctors predicted my childhood (and general life) would be. I was a happy child, or almost. (I have allways said, my unhappiness as a child and teenager had very lil to do with my hips).
I remember suffering quiet a lot in my teens and 20's, but the suffering wasn't related to physical pain, and especifically not my hips. I suffered for love, for not getting this or that part on audition, for not being able to have a better car, or travel whenever I wanted, but, hey, when I look back, I had almost everything….and some very, very good memories, maybe one day I even write about it.
So, how can one explain that when I made a move to repair my physicall pain, the pain and impedments all docs predicted for so much earlier in my life, when I go, not once but 4 times, under general anaesthetics (or whatever you guys call in english when they put you to sleep to openn you up) to make just one (not even both) leg better……. I start suffering more than I have ever?
I take an enourmous amount of prescribed druggs.
I m suspiscious I am already addicted to the Tramadol (like my gorgeous friend Phyllis says: *tramadol,damm it all*, I am 100% sure I wouldnt get out of bed without the Diclofenac Sodium, and these 2 bring up some other stuff in your body so you gotta take other pils to make better what the others made worse.
I want, above all, to gp back to work.
I love to be with my daughter, I am gratefull to this country for helping people in unemployment, but I want to feel dignity again, I want to have something to do and not hurt after doing it.
Anyway, I gotta go now, otherwise I wont be able to lay down.