I wanna live in America…….

……the land of the Law and Order and CSI's and Sue Thomas and (yeah, this one s the worse one) Touched by an Angel…….

I m singing the West End Story song in my head and I m thinking, I have been, for as long as I lived in London, correcting the Brits when they refer to the North America stuff n people, America is the whole thing, I am American too, just from the South…..

Maybe it's the fact that (3 days to go to my 48th) I'm getting old….I'm restrained to a very slow pace life at the moment, I'm watching an enourmous amount of television….but I tell you, I've tried. I have watched entire series of  Prime Suspect or Dr. Who…..and still cant get inside it like I do with CSI's or Star Treck…(yeah, beat me!)

It is, my friends, totally true that when we are young we want to change the world (well, some of us, at least), but it also, oh so true, that in the process of it, struggling with it, life can change you big time.

If you told me 20 years ago I would be writing anything like these two first paragraphs, I would' ve laughed so hard….but then again it is true that if you told me, not 20 but 18 years ago that I would be marrying a man and (this was a big thing of mine) have a child…….marriage..children…..defenetly not words in my vocabulary, no way….even the fact that I would be living in the city of London, which I came to by mere coincidence (hey hey, we dont believe in that…there s not such thing as coincidence in life…remember?) well, lets then say chance…..

Yes, life changes you (well, me) big time.

I used to read Kafka, Proust, Shaekspeare, I was interested in experimental music, wouldn't sleep with someone to get a recording deal (that happened twice, twice!!!!!!!!), wouldn't accept a job singing in a restaurant or jewish weddings even when it meant I would be earning 4 times the money I was earning at the time……

These days I watch, read and listen, with fascination, I have to add, a huge number of things I would' ve despised some years ago.

Until the begining of last year, my most important urge was to be able to go back to Trancoso (the lil village in northeast Brazil where we've got our house) and carry on with the life we had (until we had to come back to England in 2001, that's another long story). Then another big thing of life made me change my mind, like Sarita's eminent secundary school process, her desition to go into Performing Arts….then I decided we will stay in London, I m gonna even go to Trancoso to sell the house (don't get too exited, it isnt worth more than £10000 , about U$ 19000), even though (oh God, so many thoughs in my life!) it wont even (again) cover a years tuition of Sylvia Young's for Sarita…..but if I manage to put the money to work, it will maybe pay for her college and University…..

But I have been having this dreams about America (North America, the United States of), we are in a train, full of people, we are standing up in the train, the train is moving, we are going to some event, this guy is complaining about having to work in it, I leap into some *be humble* comment….then I wake up….So I cant see what it means.

Yes, I know, I wanna live in America, North America, The United States of.

But I will be (in only 3 days) 48 years old, and I am not in very good health.

It hasn't been a problem in the past to move around the world, not even after Sarita was born (which we both, her father and I, thought it would slow us down…), I have stamina, energy, strenght, I can make big changes, start life in different countries, learn languages, you know, life, all over again.

But it was hard when I was forced to stay in London the last time.

Maybe it is because I dont like British way of life, but it is precisely because of the British system that I am alive and well….nowhere else in the world would I have survived 5 years of work….. ok, I am not gonna keep writing, I m just gonna go and watch Sue Thomas ….as I have wasted all day in bed, after my sister in law's (ex, ex sister in law!) visit and massage yesterday (wasw great,btw), I will come to write about this later.

But I have met two people here who write great stuff, and I actually do understand what they write, I can feel what they feel, these two women (one so different to me, the other not so (different), and they are citizens of the USA. I do have one or two female friends who are British, but you cannot actually put them in the *British Drawer*… (just read my friend Nyx here1) whom I understand what they are saying, and (like in Nyx case) I even feel deep what they are feeling (especially now that she wants to have a baby!!!!)…but if you look into my very loved and dearest……well well, you will find Brazilians, Argentinians, Spanish, Canadians, and NorthAmericans…..ok I said I wasn't gonna write anymore, time to go make some dinner…..


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About thelatinmrspeel

in the process of moving blogs, so more will come later
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One Response to I wanna live in America…….

  1. Nonamé Wynd says:

    Yeah, its amazing what happens in life. You start out thinking you want one thing, and you continually tell yourself what you want or don't want. And then you end up with something else and are comepletly happy with it. I myself said I'd never want to marry, never want children. Then I met my love, got pregnant. And unfortunatly we chose the easy way out, and aborted. Now more than ever I wish I hadn't have done so. Not that I think I'm in a good place right now, but my views as a whole certanly have changed.
    As for the America you speak of. I've noticed a ton of mixed feelings about here. Some wish to come here and live thier dreams. Some wish to get out of the mess that our govenerment puts people though. Some people are just happy with what they have here. And some want to travel the world. I personally would love to visit London, or other places. But visiting and living in a place are different. I'm sure that if I had to move to London I wouldn't want to. It would be too much to get used to, and this, this is my home. But, whether you are healthy or not. You're still alive. And since you're still alive you can get up and go do the things you wish to. You might have to work harder, or perhaps adapt. But if its worth it to you, then do it.
    As for changes, life is full of changes. And we never really know where we're going or where we will end up. All we can do is live. And make the best of what we have, and fight for what we need to do. Our minds change, our hearts change. As I told a good friend of mine once, 'No one knows what the future will hold, but it is up to us to make sure we enjoy it on the way.'
    Now if any of this relates to anything you've said then I've done well. If not, don't mind be babbling, I do that a lot. 🙂

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