….even to myself, seems a very difficult task lately.
I promised myself when I found Vox that I would write, if not every day, at least a few times a week, not only did I really like this place, but also found some amazingly brilliant people, whom I was delighted to read and make new virtual friendships, but I have been not only in a lot of physical pain lately, but also lacking motivation to write….
I allways thought (ever since I learned to use the computer a few years ago) amazing the fact that people seem to be able to manage to belong to many sites, write, download pictures, make comments into other ppl's blogs and pics….maybe is old age, maybe is the amount of medication my brain is being pumped on with…..I loose track of things, and when the coming to the computer becomes *something that I have to do* instead of making me laugh, smile, shed a tear or two….oh well.
I dont want to insist on the pain issue, but unfortunately is haunting me, to the point of sleepless nights.
On the other hand, I ve managed to pay all bills and save a tiny bit of money, Sarita is decided that she only wants to apply to one school, which makes things easier (though I'm not sure is the best school, but I have decided to respect her in this issue and this is one promise I most defo will keep). In the end of the day, her arguments are valid. I m so proud of her 🙂
I need to find motivation back. I have neglected my Fotothing, havent even downloaded pix from the camera into the PC for over a month…..there is also the zillions of letters I have to write to the hospital, get things in motion, I have to get my head together, otherwise they will leave me to root here….and my pain wont get better if I dont make a fuss for them to fix all this….but then again, every time I do get it all sorted on the burocratic side of things, the Kafkian system swallows me and frustration is, perhaps, what motivates my lack of motivation…..
Sarita asked me today, whilst driving to DaCapo, if I would ve liked growing old without children….(this coz we were talking about Shelley, the school secretary, who has no children and apparently no desire for them…) I was prompt to reply: No, heavens, No! She is the reason I wake up in the morning, the drive to fight and stay alive….. and as I'm writing this all for her to have in the future, I will try to keep my promise.
There is one thing that is hammering my head….I know money doent buy happiness, but, right now, it would buy my way out of all these stuff troubling me, a living in masseusse (which would mean, not the end, but 90% solution for physical pain)….ay ay….If I was a rich girl doobydooby doobydooby doobydooby doobydooo…….