or at least the last day of the year in which I ll be able to write and register all this….
I lay awake till very late (or early in the morning, I should say)thinking of how much it s happening and how much I would like to be gifted to write in a beautifull way, or at least to have the coordination, memory, health and ability to leave it all down in words for Sarita to read in the future….then when I come and sit here all I can think is, it´s hot, I m in pain, should I write all the heavy shit that´s going on in my head about my parents? should I be honest to the actual facts, should I just write an account of the events, period, maybe that way wont carry guilt?
And I end up not writing anything, or being unhappy with what I wrote,so I ve decided just to let my mind flow,bollocks to timing and poetry, after all, if I was literary gifted I surely would be writing a book….
I m scared coz I have pain that I cant control, I m regretting enourmously the desition of coming to this city (we are in Buenos Aires, Argentina, in case you are wondering), the weather is terribly hot, the moskitoes are the size of bees, money runs out fast,and, above all, my parents are barking mad senile.
I would expand on the subject but I m siting in a very uncomfortable position, with two kids on one side paying games,two teen girls on the other side whom,I reckon, are more interested in what s on my screen than what s on theirs, so I ll leave it for next time.
Somethings in life still have the magic of surprising me big time though.
My cousin Jose is one of those *things*. The guys is amazing, that everyone knows, and I would like to expand on this too but same as above, so I ll tell you only that he s the one who pays for my mum to make the incredible expedition to London every time I have an operation, and that yesterday he gave me, via his daughter Ximena, after we left the swimming pool and were ready to go back to my mum´s infernous flat, an envelope which almost gave me a heart attack, a crying fit and …oh well, feel it yourself: U$ 1000.
Yes, one thousand american dollars.
Maybe it isnt to much for some people, maybe in an ideal world it should be everyday practice that those of your family who have more give to those who have less….(didnt I carry a flag to that in the world many years ago?)..but it is not something that occurs a lot in my world lately.
To be precise, I ve been living in a world in which I have no real friends, a world in which people trade favours, money, have no words, get a bit fed up if you (like me) have many…..though I got to feel London as home by now, my friends, those whom I know can count for each and everything, those who understand what I say, who have dealt with me in good and bad times, those who are still there after more than 30 years…..those are certainly not in London, not even in the UK.
But I m getting out of subject, again.
One thousand american dollars. I cried in happiness.
And now I m gonna leave you as I m gonna go have a shower, go see one of those friends, Mirtita, and get my head ready to spend 48 hs without leaving my parents place, taken the fact that in this city (I cant understand it) no taxi driverworks in the holidays….
So, have a great start of the year. I ll try the same. 🙂