If you were living my life, you would know how difficult it has been lately. I know I'm a bit obssesive, which could be good at times, but being extremely a searcher of perfection has it's very sad moments, especially if you are a parent.
I went through the madness of feeling guilty (of denying my child her father, which wasn't, but it took some therapy and a couple of years to get away from the feeling), through the even worse madness of loosing who I was in life (job, social and financial position), which drove me into agresivity (which scared me to death, but again, some therapy, some very, very marvelous friends and determination got me out of it) through the desapointment, the desperation, the uncertainties…..
Well, this was a very quiet sunday,I stayed in bed late, we made sunday roast together,cleaned the kitchen together, made the birthday invite cards together (she s having a sleepover, 3 girls from school), sung, danced a bit (here she laughs with gusto and surprised she says how proud of her mum she is, I tell her that not being able to dance for more than 5 minutes at the time, once every 6 months, is one of the things that kills me more of all these ordeal) we watch a bit of telly, she hoovers, I do the oven, we sing together again, very loudly (to Diego Torres, Color Esperanza, which we just discovered in Bs As and loved), she helps me to get a bath (I so love not having long hair anymore), comes to the computer, she helps me out of the bath, tells me everything about who she was talking online and here is when her comments makes me the proudest mother on earth……
This beautifull (inside-out) human being of mine (yup, Khalil Gibran can stuff himself, my daughter is mine, all mine, till for the time being lol) is sweet, responsable, intelligent,growing up wisely, so every tear, every agony, every effort suffered in the past years turn into this sweet feeling and wanting to be able to do prayers to God, the forces who move the universe, whateveryouwannacallit, give me life, give me physical strenght, let me be there to see her achieve, to share happiness…..