…as I had a bad argument with Sarita, but as the PC is on and there's nothing I can concentrate on tele at this very moment, I will.
I know I have written about this many times, as how difficult the parenting thing can be, or how difficult it is especially for me to keep a discipline line with Sarita. (Ironic, if you stop to think I was the Queen of Discipline at certain point in the London's kinky scene…), but the one thing that can hurt a mother more than anything is to have spoken for hours, days, months, nicely, making points and explaining (again nicely), being very supportive….and then to realise that all that was supposed to go in through the ear into the brain has actually been discarded by the intestine.
I'm annoyed, enraged, but also tired and haven't been feeling well these past few days, so I decided to leave it alone, (Lauren is still here) but now as I came to sit n write here, I hear them laughing their heads off, when Sarita was supposed to be inside the shower like half an hour ago…
I imagine lots of mothers feel the same frustration, my poor own mother certainlty didnt have an easy time with me, but, as they say in Spanish Mal de muchos, consuelo de tontos (which would translate more or less into just coz lots of others suffer it, doesnt mean you ll suffer less). So I m p***d off, heavily p***d off.
Worse of all is, every time something like this happen, I promise myself I'll start getting out, spend less money on her and more on me, get a social life, you know,all those things people tell me I need so much. Point is, you see, I don't think I need anything, I'm happy looking after her and trying to give her a good future, but I do feel really frustrated when my energy and efforts seem to go down the drain in one move, word or look in the eye…
This wont make any sense to those who arent mothers of a pre-pubescent (I think it's the right word, but you know what I mean) child. Never mind.
I m now gonna go and eat some meat stew which I froze a few weeks ago and it's in the microwave as we speak…..so it allways come down to the same…comfort eating? Thank God I didnt go to the supermarket today.