…determination, strenght, desition, capacity, are all related words which I have been exercising since we came back from Brazil & Argentina in January.
The thing about the quiting smoking, I've done it, more than once, believe me.
The first time I was probably around my 23rd birthday, something like it (it's been so long is there like in a cloud). I was living with Marta (yes, the one who just got in touch), around the corner from my parents place (that was crazy, as we got the flat through an advert in the paper), working 3 shifts singing, morning with a children's play in schools, afternoons recording what we called *jingles*, comercials, adverts for TV & radio, and evenings in various pubs and bars,restaurants, sometimes weddings, bar-mitzvahs, you know the type.
It was around the same time when I had to go in for a day surgery, had a sacro-coxis cyst removed (dont ask…) and it was imperious that I stayed in bed for 20 days. So, at the time of deciding where to stay (my place? my parents? you know how good mums are when you are ill…) I started to think about the state of my throught, which had (no wonder after over a year working non stop) 4 nots, or noduls, or nods,whatever you name them in English. I was, at this point, a bit addicted to cortisone injections, which, though they wont give you a buzz, they will completely erase a sore throught in a couple of hours, kind of making you sound like Maria Callas.
So (like in many other things in my life) I went to my Dad. He was (still alive, just not practising anymore) a doctor/biochemist (you know, people who do blood and other body fluids exams) and had lots of contacts, including the one guy who was operating all the throughts of South America and some of the North (America). I've been wrecking my brain trying to remember the name of this guy, but the only thing I can remember is that he operated David Soul 's when he decided to venture into singing (not that I was his fan at the time, but it seemed to impress my dad…) For this operation, not only (but of course!) did I have to stop smoking, but also stop talking…….., which, if you knew me at the time, would have thought practically impossible.
Well, I did it.
One thing I remember of this time is the change on my mother's attitude to Marta…..she hated her, now, seeing how this girl would come over, help with everything in the house and even feed me like a baby (oh yeah, I have been that lucky ;) ) , she loved her.
I dont remember how long for I stopped smoking, but it would have been in the vecinity of the 6 months, no more than that, but by then I had a singing couch, who would lead me into how to use my throught to the minimum damage (key word here being minimum).
Before & after that I had treid to give up, spending like a week or two without cigs, but remember, I m talking about times in which you could smoke in flights, even in recording studios….so, not much luck then.
And then my big time came.
I was in north Wales, New Quay, with Sarita's dad. Start of summer, we drove to Shrewsbury (where is mum lives), but he wanted to show me the places he spent summers as a child, the caravan sites and all.We took of in an old Ford Fiesta, which his mum had given us the year before, with a gas bottle cooker, an Italian coffee pot and tons of pot noodles and tins. I had never thought motherhood was for me, as a matter of fact, I had never thought marriage was for me, but there I was, the newly wed wife,travelling Britain (which I never thought was for me). In this beach, New Quay, I see a lil person, blonde locks,victorian type of beach hat (you know, those with all the frills, cute). She comes to me, not yet 2 years old (her, not me! :)P ) and starts talking…so I ended up talking to the parents. Her name was Amberly. Later that evening, I turned to my (ex) hubbie : I wanna have a baby .
He objected a bit at first, something about him being too young to be a father (he was 28 at the time), but after some conversation and desitions, we started trying, which wasnt that easy (fun, though!) It took us 7 months to get pregnant, but when the test came positive, I knew I had a very, very powerfull reason to quit smoking.
We went out that night to celebrate, I had my last alcoholic drink and ciggarrette that evening, and that was it.
I had no cravings, no climbing walls, nothing really mattered.I didn't smoke until Sarita was 1 year old and her father was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, which changed our lives hugely (that ll be another story)
But this is where the difference comes in.
I had a full on life at the time I got pregnant.
A job where I was highly needed and respected, a beautifull love relationhsip,we lived in a nice place, I was even still able to climb stairs and ride bikes….a full on life which I do not have now.
Thing is, not only for my health I know I need to do this, but also coz my child. It would be unfair to make her breath my nicottine, and there s also the financial side of it. An addiction of 20 a day pays, in a week, 6 weeks of Ice Skating course;20 a day will pay in a month for half of the trimester of Sylvia Young (yes, the three classes).
So, I have no been for 6 month on 10 a day, with the occasional relapse, but I can no longer smoke 20 a day, and that makes me inmensly happy.
The thing now is to take action into changing some other things, which in turn will change other things, like give me back a full on life, which will make me forget about smoking.
Oh, and thanks to all my neighboors & friends for the support!!!!