…..and before you start picturing me in tight rubber (or leather, wotever ticks), stilletoes boots as longs as legs, cleavage n cracking bulls whip…….it isnt about that kind of pain I'm talking about. Sowwy. (you'd have to go back to 2003 for that)
I'm talking about the kind which makes me angry, that one I can't control, the one which brings out the worst of me, and sees me swearing to the 10th generation of Mr -insert allegedly highly qualified consultant's name here's ancesters. The kind which creeps into every cell of my body when I woke up, requires huge dosages of morphine derivates (which in turn will wreck your guts, which in turn will bring some more ugly pain), and some days (like today) wont let me do anybloodything. Nada.
I'm gonna be better tomorrow, I know, but every time I get a day like today (and am I gratefull we are on school holidays,you bet…) I start re-thinking about my near future plans (like getting my life back by a huge change of profession, investing £1000 to qualify as a TEFOL teacher,get a job in it, etc,etc,etc) and I end up crying my head off.
But hey, I'm here, writing, after 4 lots of Tramadol dammitall, entire day in bed, I managed to cook dinner, have another argument with my child (we allways argue when I dont feel well) watching Law & Order and having a chat with her about the Ku Klux Klan, Hittler and other evils of the world, I got a bit of spare energy to come unload here….
I'm glad I found this group, and I am gonna make some time to read other people, I know it wont make my pain go away, but it's allways a relief to feel you are not the only one (ranting publicly about one's misery).