…of my having to battle with teeth and nails (not sure if this translates well into English, but it's common saying in Portuguese & Spanish) for every little thing in my life.
That story of my disapointment with a friend unravelled a series of events which had depressed me greatly, plus Sarita going back to school and my body extremely pushed to the limits therefore ending up in agonising pain, a 60 quid electricity bill and general financial disaster kept me away from the PC, which was only turned on last wed to send a birthday card to one of my dearest friends in Buenos Aires.
I am terribly tired, unable to sleep at night. I know things will sort out in the end (as they allways do) but I'm not only tired, but scared. Scared that my body will shut down and Sarita is too young and we have none to recurr to in here…
I really would like to go back to work, but the system in this country helps the wrong people, so, whilst with one hand they send you letters to encourage you to work and make you go to interviews to that end, with the other hand they restrict enourmously the way to it (you going back to work).Every time I have gone to this people for help (as I havent giot the money for the course I would like to go for) they have told me *I'm better of at home*….
If the benfits system would, instead of giving *Income Support* (which isn't actually, as the people who have said benefit rarely have any [income,that is]as they assume their givernement will produce it ) and Housing Benefit (which means paying your rent, for all non UK wise) to the people on druggs (the governement also provides druggs to a vast quantity of said people, one should add), and women who get permanetly pregnant by multiple men (or women, as now it seems the dykes are going for having kids through artificial insemination) in oreder to get 1. a council flat, and 2. some money to go drink in the pub , therefore neglecting the children they previously had…,
…so, as I was saying (and I know that many could label me as facist or racist or worever) if the government would, instead of helping the ones who don't make an effort would help the ones who do make an effort, life would be easier, better, happier.
Lets say, they should give the money to the ones who do work and their payment isnt enough to keep their lives afloat, then everyone would go to work,
oh, woetever, I m depressed and angry and a number of emotions that cannot be described with words.
I didnt think I would get angry when coming to write here. I have cried every time I sit to think, so I thought that would be, a good cry, unload, unload…presto! ready to go fighting again. But instead I'm angry.
And all the way I have been thinking of how some stuff was way better some 20 years ago, and then I try to put those thoughts out of my mind, but the thoght keep coming (and this is one of the basics) that if, instead of manufacturing plastic bottles and pots, we were to go back to 20 + years ago, and everything would come in glass bottles n pots, and it was necessary to give the bottle back to buy a new fresh, filled product….the recycling issue would get sorted at least in one area…..
I know it cannot be that difficult as in Trancoso we still have to go back n forth with the empty beer bottles and big mineral water containers….the reason this issue buggers me so much is coz, while I'm breaking my back and using my restricted mobility times to go recycle, I know, for sure, that 90% of the people in my estate (2 buldings, 4 floors each, 2 or 3 flats per floor…go figure) do not recycle. They go to the pub instead, and in 40% of the cases their daughters are at mine. (I'm the only mum in the whole estate whoose doors are open to my child's friends….Sarita has never stayed over night, or invited for dinner at any of the neighbors, unless it was at Lauren's next door, and that was when I was taken to hospital by ambulance….)
I m going to get away from here, as getting angrier will only make things worse.
Thank to you guys who wrote concerned about us.
I know things will get better, eventually (or, like my mum used to say: algun culo va a sangrar….. I just hope it wont be mine…)