…I have cried a lot today.Feeling low, depressed,no words to describe the exacts feelings. Have done all I could to try lift my mood, but things around us are in a total chaotic state…..
You know Lauren, Sarita's best friend, next door neighbor, the girl who apears in all my Flickr pics with Sarita? well, her mum, Nora, just had another baby. That makes a total of 6 kids, 21, 18, 16, 13 (Lauren, the only girl) from the same dad,then comes the one boy who ll be 2 in october, and the new (like a week old) born boy, from her new partner (whom I have discovered this week to be a great guy, a lot more than I thought of him, and seems to adore her with all his might, which reminds me not to judge on first impressions or kids comments…)
Day before yesterday, she was taken into hospital, high blood pressure. I was glad to be able to help, drive her partner to hospital with the new born and her bag(whislt all the other big bum boys were arguing about who's duty was to carry the bag), have Lauren over, though that wouldnt be special favor as the kid is allways here. I also had a good lecturing to the 16 yrs old boy, as I reckon most of the stress she has been going through has to do with the bumming around the kids do….but I was surprised to see her back home the next day, I mean, I worked for the NHS here, appart from my knowdlege of medical stuff, I know Preclampsia isnt a thing to be treated lightly….
This morning they had to call the ambulance. They worked on her for 20 minutes here, couldnt wake her up. She is in a coma. I know I'm allways complaining about how people abuse the system and all, but I really like her, and, after all, some people just do not know how to do other stuff in life, Oh shit, this isnt coming out the way I intended…..
I hope you guys understand what I'm trying to say….I know I write for my child, but since Vox is better for me than the most qualified therapist (which I dont think exists, the one for me….), I also write to get it out of my system, and that's why I m here right now. There is the fact that English isnt my first or second language (so why dont you write in your frikking language, ya'old cow? I hear you saying…) so please dont take it word per word.
I'm allways annoyed and depressed when confronting social injustice, and by that I dont allways mean the kinda thing like people in the entreteiment business or futbollers earning ridiculous amount of money and some other people, everywhere in the world, starving or homeless…..most of time the kind of social imjustice I really hate is the bums, the alcoholics and *substance abusers* or just the pure lazy of this country, who suck the system just coz is there….
….but then I had Betty (the twins mum, my Portuguese born, Brazilian *friend*) telling me this morning on the phone when I comment about Lauren's mum, practically that the woman brought it onto herself. I rather not carry on on Betty's subject. I ll get even more depressed.
I have to admit, I wouldnt go have another child if I were her age (I m older,she is 43 ), especially if I had 4 others, and had one not even a year prior with my new partner…..
I have to also admit that I do not agree with mum's who use their kids as an excuse to stay home. This country makes it easy to the wrong people.
But I'm depressed. Not only because I like the woman, even if I dont agree with the desitions she makes in life, but also because this feels heavily like life's unfairness. She is in a coma. And there are other factors to add to my low mood….
Motability wants to charge me (again) a premium on the insurance for the next car. I got the letter this morning.
The top up card I ordered, as to be able to buy stuff on the phone, did not arrive, so I had to call them, they cancelled and ordered another one, more wait.
Argos & Sainsburys will not install the dishwasher unless the drainage/water supply is a meter or less to the appliance (and I would have ordered and payed if I didnt think of going thorough with the little writings in the bottom of the page)
I know these little, everyday stuff is nothing compared to having your mum, sister, daughter, friend, in a coma. But it adds nevertheless.
It also makes me gratefull to God, The Forces Who Rule The Universe, WoteverYouWannaCallIT. For my parents are alive, for my child is well here, with me. For my brain which still works (yeah, well….even mushed up….it does work) for all the little things in life, again, I m gratefull.
Still, I m tearfull and scared. I cant shake it off.
So here is lil me,(who thinks not much of organized religion) trying to find a prayer for this woman, Nora, my neighbor, Lauren's mum, mother of 6. And for I KNOW there is something in some espiritual level, she wont be let down.
And in this prayer I am also including my parents and my family, my friends, and all people who are fighting for life with all their might. Here is my strongest and best wish, for health, for life…..