….for me to complete half a century. A very intensely lived first half, of which I have only one regret, only one very thing I would changed if given the opportunity. I would probably have said no to the option of having the hip replacement in 2003 if I knew things would turn up this way, but hey, as we said in Brasil….
Nao adianta chorar encima do leite derramado…..
No good crying over spilled milk.
I had a very difficult past couple of weeks, including another near death experience, of which I rather not write about right now, as it took some time for me to have the will, energy and inspiration to come write at the computer.
On my birthday, wednesday, I got this from Sarita:
We had many arguments in the previous two weeks about presents, as I kept saying that there was nothing money could buy that would compare with her starting to listen to me a bit more, behaviour, etc, etc,etc, you know how it goes. She insisted, she has her money, she wanted to buy something.
I suggested we went together then, as I have a very weird taste, though she knows me well, sometimes she comes back from boot sales or outings with her friends and mum to shopping centres and comes back with some stuff I havent got the guts to say I would never use…..so off we went to Camden Market.
Every piece of bijouterie I liked was over £30. But then we found this little stall, sells posters, cards, badges, magnets. I like magnets. 3 for £6…very reasonable, and as sarita is crazy about la Boop, I suggested I choose 2, she had one for herself. Here they are, and finally in their place for the next year.
She also found me some bracelets,grey silvery beads, which, she said would be great with some others I have….I loved those too.
My collection of bracelets and necklaces is getting so huge, I may need to move bedrooms…or start decorating the opposite wall with them…..
All this shopping was done on monday, as she had organised for tuesday a meet with her primary school friends, to go to Mc Donalds and take some presents for their teacher, and she was starting secondary school on wednesday. I've been trying madly to remember what happened after the shopping, but I can't. Maybe I did have a mini stroke after all.
I do remember that my birthday actually started very nicely, with Sarita giving me this card which made me laugh out loud, smile with my heart full of joy, and finally cry, totally emotional. (peri menopause can be even crazier in that than PMT).
We had breakfast in my bedroom (she allways does that, every day,if not full breakfast, at least some coffee, as I cannot get out of bed straight away and she brings me medication)
Then she said she was feeling sick, maybe the take away chow mein she microwaved the night before, she says….and I'm there not wanting to say it's only natural to be nervous when staring secondary school, my baby, minha filhota, a coisa mais bonita do mundo…..full of exitement and pride and happiness to be starting secondary school, to have done the very first thing in her life she has decided for herself…..but I say instead why dont you make us both a peppermint tea…and then you come lay down a bit on your belly…you ll feel better.
So she does, and starts feeling a bit better, but not quiet…So I say, do you want me to drive you to school, filinha?
And then her face lights up. So she helps me getting dressed. We drive to school. There is a tube strike. The whole of London 11 years old are out and off to start a new phase in life, some walking with friends, some with parents, some in uniforms, some look defeated already, others so energetic…..and we are singing Cheetah Girls in the car, Together We Can……..
(Shoot the moon, stop the rain even ride a hurricane….Walk into space, save the human race, do you think we oughta, oughta? )
……and I get a parking little space just before the (huge) school gate. And we hugg and kiss a lot, and I give my best wishes, and I say enjoy, and off she goes, my baby, my little girl , into a life of her own….
And I stayed there…not wanting to start the car, just looking at the huge queue of cars on the other side of the road…Together We can…. I just hope it will stay, the together thing, I mean. I fear that a lot lately. I see a very different human race to the one I grew up in, and I still , in those different times, did not want my mum together in my path….oh well…
Que sera, sera, sera lo que deba ser….
Had calls from all over the world, texts from all over Europe, my Orkut was loaded with beautifull birthday wishes from all over Brazil…..I only had one call from all my *friends* in the UK. Swell.
I remember also that the day did not end very well. I cannot recall why exactly, but then it has been like this in the past few days, I gues I am on selective/protective memory switch.
I feel a lot better today. We even been out, though my sister in law did it again. I had called to ask if they were gonna be in, as we had to go somewhere around hers, and asked if she could give me a massage. She said yes,no prob. I said we'll be there at lunch time, I'll bring some pizzas. Well, I called, both her mobile and landline, no answer, mobile disconnected. It isn't like it would be a favour, don't get me wring, I pay this woman for it, though she isnt a proffesional, she went to a 2 months college course, just to get the DWP off her back (as her child is 13, they want her to go to work, of course)…it runs in the family. I give her £10 or £15 every time she gives me a massage, and also every time she has to drive me some place or other….there has not been one time in which I have not given her money. Still….
So, lets not get into rant zone. I'm feeling better today. That was it.
I also got another birthday present: a tripp to Belgium, in october. Too tired now to keep writing. Here is my birthday card, and the little note she wrote inside. So, 362 days for my 50th…. I need some rest already…… 🙂