In the past fw weeks, my life seemed to be a continuos one, you know, the kind one wants desperately to wake up, only I was very, very concious of not dreaming. And it all got worse last week, only to worsen in the weekend.
I'm terribly tired now to write in detail, but suffice to know that I was bullied for the second time by a very well known consultant, especialist in Complex Reconstruccion of the Hip, at the Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital in Westminster, told (in the worse possible way) that my right hip has no solution, that probably nerves were damaged in the whole process…but she (the consultant), who used to be a he when he performed the Queen Mother's hip replacement…..I am what most people would label as bisexual, I make a point of trying to teach my child and all around me not to discriminate, not to judge, not to laugh and not to critisice….but I can't help thinking that this.. erm woman has a grudge agaisnt me coz I was born with a vagina and she didnt.
and it brings back some memories of a psychologist @ Royal Free Hospital telling me that *shit happens* when I was trying to find help for my frustration and pain not to be targeting Sarita, as I was loosing it in late 2003,hitting tables and throwing chairs and all sort of objects smashing into the walls (I was aware of using the things instead of Sarita, but my verbal agression to her was even more worrying, so I asked for help) ,after being left alone when my poor mother had to go back to Argentina after a (very) long strech of 10 and a half months in London due to the failure of my replacement, as my poor Dad was dying without her (she was supposed to stay 3 months) ….mental health proffesionals in the UK are of the opinion that I do not need psychological help, as I can very well speak for myself…
…but I said I wasn't gonna go into detail (I wanted to have time to catch up with my neighbors!). I left the hospital in tears, and had to go up Betty's flat, as my car was parked at hers, another nightmare, the girl, but more on her some other time.I thought I had reached my breaking point. But no,life still had another surprise in store for me.
When I was finally almost putting Miss Muirhead Allwood (the bully, the consultant, just in case, as I wanna shout it to the human race…) of my mind…I get a mail from my friend (almost a sister to me) who has all the paper work and a power of attorney to deal with my house in Brazil, telling me that the guy who was in my house refuised to give the keys back, and wanted to take the house of me.
It will be long and difficult to explain here, right now, but just think about the fact that, until a few years ago, there was no proper law in Trancoso, no notary, nothing, things were dealt by word…only this time I had taken my precautions. I have a contract this guy signed in december when I was there, agreeing to either leave the house in March 07, or start paying rent, even if only a little insignificant amount, in order for me to be able to do the reform the house needed not to crumble under the rain and humidity. This contract was signed in the presence of a lawyer, who prepared all the paper work, and, together with a power of attorney for my friend Marcia, certified in Notary, with fees payed et all….
…only I couldn't get Marcia to understand that she had rights with all that paper work, you see, she is divine, I love them all, the whole family, but they have had no access to education….I was on the phone with her for over 90 minutes, most of the time crying, and she kept insisting that Luciana (another Trancoso's character , more on her some other time, but lets just say, they (her hubbie & her) own half of Trancoso, and the building materials shop which sells the most in the village) was gonna put all thing in the right, that she (Marcia) had taken it all to her (Luciana) and she (Luciana) said she would call me.
Only I could not bring myself to believe completely. This woman (Luciana) claims to love me profoundly, and I believe she does, but wouldn't you be wary if the last time you talked to her was in january, ocassion in which you called her for her birthday, she said she was gonna call you back (we are in the end of september, right?) and then they have been in Portugal and Israel since but not a mail…(leave alone phone call…)
So I called her.She wasn't in, so I spoke to Samuel, who (very wisely) calmed me down, and asured me she would call me the day after. These people are supposed to be my future in laws, as Sarita and Yoav (the boy) are saying to all that they will get married, since they were 3 years old….but I still couldnt calm down. I felt really, really bad. The sensation of being some like 4000 km away, not having money to jump into a plane and break the guy's nose, worse, the feeling of not having friends there anymore….
…I had to stand corrected. Not only Luciana did call the day after, but she also called yesterday evening to let me know it is all sorted. Of course, these are only a couple of the things that were going on in the past few weeks, but as I wouldnt blame anyone if they gave up on reading, I will stop here.
I had a full night sleep last night, and this morning I have made a desition and acted on it.
Last time I was at my doctor (GP), she offered full support if I wanted to go back to University to do a degree, something I had been dreading for many reasons. Well, I am starting a travel journalism course on friday, and will do another college course in january (they will even see if they can get the classroom downstairs for me to attend!) this one Introduction to Journalism, which will then allow me to do it at Uni next year.
My idea is: if I choose to do a degree to qualify as a social worker, I will have to work inside the system which is recking me and which I so much despise. Not only that, but also it would take me something over 7 years, as I would have to get into an access course (minimum 2 years). Instead, thinking how much I have to say (about the system and lots more subjects) I decided that Journalism will probably teach me how to write in a way in which people will be able to get what I want to say and enjoy it (or hate it, remember Don Quijote) , instead of me writing the way I write now (using the whole contents of Oxford Concise, the 3000 pages version, and having to come back to the original subject after the reader has no idea what the thing is all about…)
I may never get to work as a journo. But at least I will be doing something with my life, giving some inspiration for my child, and maybe I can be the voice for the millions of people like us….
To Kristine, Foxsy, MB, GOC, Sweet Mistery, Robbie , I wanna thank you and apologyse if I am not there, but be certain that you have made all this a lot more bearable for me…it is the very little actions that count when you are feeling lonely and lost.
Ceji, my darling, I swear I do not choose to go online on Skype only when I'm depressed (lol) but you have certainly (together with your mum) made a huge difference the last couple of times we spoken.
OK, now I really, really need to go.