…when she talks to you from her heart,for the first time in 5 years, and cries, about the unfairness of her father having turned into what he turned, about the hurt and the anger, the feelings towards the other children and the other fathers, the whole society thing, and more?
I tried telling her about the cloud's silver linning, the Simple Abundance, the StairCase theory, the thousands of others who are in similar situation, but in the end I just said:
I know, baby, I know…..
I then offered to open the sofa bed in the living room, and sleep with her there, and got a smile. We brought Ben, the dog, Whinnie Pooh, her diary and a night light, and cuddle her drying the last tears, until she slept. I couldn't (sleep).
My sister in law said not so long ago that she has given up on him, and has told him that he should kill himself, that way Sarita would, at least, have closure. Last night I felt like I could kill him myself. Alcoholism is a word that goes together with murder for me.
The Camden people have offered therapy or at least counseling for Sarita many times,but until now I didn't really feel she would benefit from it. I feel now it would be wise to have a look into it. She started analyzing stuff and came to the conclusion that, for all she wants to be older and enjoy all the teenage stuff, she wishes she was younger now, coz she didn't, couldn't really see what was going on.
It broke my heart. It hurt a million, a zillion times more than any physical pain I have. I will trade all I have for a solution to this. I will give anything to pass her pain into my soul.
We slept until 11:30 am (her school is on strike). Had a weird day, though we managed to get lots of smiles and made it to the ice skating class,I cooked dinner whilst she finished the cards we are sending to my family. (This is one big thing to be gratefull for, the family I grew up with, the one I can tell her, asure her and she knows it, has felt it enough, would give anything to make her happy)
So, I may not have done the Simple Abundance thing every day, may not have 5 things to be gratefull for everyday, but I have one big time thing everyday, life has put me on the path in which I am having to remind myself of this gratefullness……
I am gratefull (hugely) for my family, my parents,my brother and his family, my cousins Jose and Graciela & their family, my cousin Luly and her family, all my other cousins who, I know, love us like if we were around the corner, look after my parents as if they were their children,and are the base for my daughter to be proud. My family.
I love you.
Entonces a ustedes les digo; que les agradezco el amor, carinho, la atencion, el poder decirle a mi hija que puede estar orgullosa de sus origenes….. Los queremos muchisimo.