….is the only word I can think to describe the state I am right now. It's 06:34 am in London and I have not gone to bed, got a lot to write but Sarita is asleep in the sofa which has been open as a bed now for ..what? 2 weeks? Maybe. Do I feel guilty? yup, as vezes… sometimes. But seems to work. She wakes up on time for school in the mornings and I'm right there, I can see the news (and think of beautiful, gorgeously wonderful Volonakis , as she is the one who got me to do it), don't have to shout my lungs away…. We'll have to close it and go back to our bedrooms after the weekend as we have visitors next week… (this visitor deserves a post herself, so I leave it for now)… I type like a machine gun though…so that's one reason why I don't wanna type too much, but mainly my brain is not engaging. I have spent the whole week fixing my pictures folders, especially the Brussels one from the Nikon, which was behaving badly and doing away with pictures, playing that hide and seek game…. well, I've found some very beautiful pics.
I'm no photographer, never will be, but I know sometimes my eye works wonderfully, and the results are something which make me feel great, which isn't something that happens a lot with me lately. I have also been thinking of sweet, ever so supportive Ali , as she got me to look at my insomnia as something that can be productive and I have learnt tonight some good tricks with Photoshop…. here is something, a couple of the last photos we took in Brussels, at Eurostar station before we left….
I can't process any more info to put it down into words, well, at least not in a nice readable way….but, as to make a record, Sarita didn't have school today (is appauling how the education system lets children down…they have so many inset days and holidays in this country, is a joke) so I didn't go to college, I don't think I would have been able to anyway, as I have had the weirdest week when speaking of sleep paterns…
The alarm clock just went (06:45am) . Is saturday though. The waking up call is on her mobile, and is some American rapper I can't understand. She opened her eyes and kinda questioned my being awake still…or maybe not, maybe is just product of my paranoid imagination. How come guilt is so huge a part of my life?
The wind in this city is alive. It's talking to me, and is angry. Last year, when we went in Brazil for Xmas, we saw on the tele that a tornado had destroyed 6 houses in London, literally blew the roofs away….lucky we are on the ground floor….and speaking about Brazil, there was a tele program tonight (last night?) in BBC 4, Brazil, Brazil. I got it started, but what I saw was relatively good. At least they didnt picture us like jungle iliterates. They got Caetano & Gil, who speak good English and some people from Bahia's best Candomble & Carnival groups, very intelligent people talking about intelligent things….don't ask me to write what, though, brain cells are still asleep, even if my body isn't….and this reminds me, I have been talking to Carina a lot by mail. I miss her, she misses us. A lot.
I don't want to think about that either. Maybe that's why I'm delaying the telephone call….
My dad also called. I'm so bloody lucky. I know. My parents are decent people who put up with my circus when I was a teen, my crazy deviations in my 20s, and are still there full support. I've got amazing people who love us, though they are far away …. Yes, I know, I am so gratefull for that. My neighbors and friends here in Vox, *yall*, you know, never fail to put a smile in my face or give me some deep thoughts, or the most beautifull emotions… and though most of you are (also!) far away….you are close in a way, aren't you?
I realized also that I have been around here in Vox for over a year now…funny thing is, the one who invited me isn't, and we had a bit of a fall over something I am really strongly opinionated about….friendship, no more no less…
Apologies to all of you here if I havent been reading much, or not commenting, but, if you really want me to read, do like Foxsy, Kristine, MasterBitch, MusicChick….sent me the post…that way I recieve it in my mail, and I only have to open it there….To surf Vox and have to go back and forth for commenting takes me ages and my brain doesnt answer well, I start getting confused….
By the way…anyone knows what happened to Dave Birdsall?
Anyway, I better stop nonsensing. I'm gonna go feed the cat (which I shouldn't, as is Sarita's duty, but (be that guilt or spoiling her) I'm gonna let her sleep).
Now, to make some coffee…. :)