Lack of energy, total distraction, inhability to think….all these going on in my tiny brain. I spent the weekend lying down, reading, eating and watching TV….. well, I have to give myself the credit though: I manage to make dinner last night, an arabig recipe for chicken with potatoes that Sarita loves from my mum.
It's cold here, really cold, no kidding. That means my body hurts more than normally does, also the days are reduced to nothing, gets dark at 4 in the afternoon, that means low emotional epidsodes for me….which brings me to the point. A few of you have sent me the meme Xmas thingy. I tried, I swear. But I can't.
To me, unfortunately, these holidays aren't a very happy time, this one even more, as we are in London, no way we could go be with real family and friends. But even so (if we did travel) this isn't a happy time of the year for me. It would take ages and pages to explain why, so I won't.
But there is something I am sure of: life radical changes don't stop, ever. I had a huge one in the past couple of years: whilst I used to love the social thing, company, people at all hours, I am now a bit of a recluse, and there are days in which even the computer is crowded….I'm sure some of you know exactly what I'm talking about…..
Now, right this moment, I am heavily medicated, so I'm not sure if all this is making sense to you all… where was I? ah the meme….
We have a Xmas tree, is not natural, as a matter of fact, is the one we bought in 2001 (the first Xmas after coming back to the UK from 3 years in Brazil) it cost me £8.99 with some beautiful ornaments, and it was at the time Sarita strongly believed Santa existed….though the tree was the only thing we had: we were living with very little money, bare concrete floors, no cooker, no fridge….this was the year I separated from her dad for good, he did as much as he could for us to come back to the UK, on the basis that he wanted his daughter near , only to confirm his love for alcohol over his family….
It took a lot for me to get back on my feet, and I surely could go buy a bigger, nicer tree if I wanted right now…but I feel that is all a lot of b******t.
We don't have friends here in London,well, Sarita does but I m thinking of the present thing….I couldn't care less if it is wrapping paper or bags, as I have none to give presents to. This fact was confirmed when I mailed and left messages on the phones of some people I thought I would give a pressie….and they didn't get back to me. Sarita now knows (she cried over this last year, when I told her) that Santa is no more, she asked for what she wanted, we bought it together, so, no surprises there…..(though she did ask me to wrap it…)
I don't remember the rest of the questions, but I also don't want to make this into a rant or a depressing thing… I do understand the festive spirit and all…..but what I see is a world where some take the opportunity to bleed others, where marketing, making money and superficiality are the main menu, whilst some are fighting stupid wars, others are starving to death….oh, lets just leave it, shall we?
I just dislike this time a year. Particularly in the UK. Here people think they will wash their sins with a Xmas card.
I had an argument with the woman who runs Sarita's ice skating classes, and that was the (how was it again? the straw in the camel's back or the drop that over flooded the glass?) thing that did it. Now I officially think people are full of shit (well, most of people).
There was a gas leak in the ice rink, all ice melted. Until they got it fixed (she said) they would be doing off ice rehearsals. Fine with me. On thursday Sarita tells me they will now be doing the show on roller skates…that this woman has sent for in-line rollers for them to do the show…..and I couldn't convince her this is far more dangerous, first because the dynamics and physics are different, second because they have only 4 classes to re- learn it all, third and most important: people who paid for tickets paid for an ICE skating show…. (and I have paid an enormous amount of money for classes and rehearsals…..and she (the teacher) never consulted me. (or any other parent)
She says to me she is doing it for the kids. I say she is doing it for her wallet. The kids DO NOT get paid for performing. If she really was doing it for the kids….just delay the show until the ice is fixed, then do ONE show, then the kids and their families will all be happy ever after….. right?
Nope, she wants to go ahead with 4 days, two shows a day. Doing it for the kids? sure.
So, there. I don't like a time of the year where 90% of the people around me are hypocrates. I don't like this holiday because of the massive commercialization of it.
Now, right now I m in a very, very bad mood.
I m sure I will get better later. If I can shake off me the lack fo energy I have been feeling lately, I may even come back… I should update events (I spoke to Carina on Skype for a couple of hours couple of days ago) But right now….
Can't think anymore.