…and I see my child growing, blossoming and fighting….my smile grows wider and wider.
Fair enough: we argue, lots, as a matter of fact.
But the good times shared, the pride I feel at every parent meeting, at every situation that comes to, kind of,evaluate my *job*, the laughter and the conversations, even the most trivial moments of peace, those are priceless and I know happiness is not a place to arrive.
So, she had her first grown up party, her first job babysitting, and then this week she was called again by Betty to babysit the twins (via text message from Jenny, Betty's eldest, who is a year older than Sarita, asking if she would babysit on friday eve: *-you'll get paid, and stayed overnight, ask your mum if it's OK*-)
The twins are 4 years old, a bit of a hand full but with us, both Sarita and I, they are sweeties…. I presume (and I can bet I'm right) it is purely and simply because we give them attention.
We play with them, we sing, we make them dance, you know, old plain attention….
So, despite the fact that I haven't had a call from Betty in almost 2 months, since a bit of a situation with Carina, I said yes, mainly because Sarita is learning to save money. Also (this I can't deny) it makes me extremely proud the fact that Betty doesn't trust her own (older than Sarita) daughter to look after the twins, but my daughter even gets paid for it (sad, really, I know, but sad for her, lately I have no time for empathy with certain people)
WARNING: here is where, if you are prude or eeky about women's *things*, you stop reading, righty?
And then when making her bag to go, Sarita shows me a couple of sanitary towels ands says she'll take them *just in case*, and I smile to myself…she's been including this in her prayers (yes, I know, she also asks for titis…what can I say…I remember at her age…I did want to get it too, and I remember, no, I KNOW, my life changed for the better when I got tits…so…)
So, as I was saying, to myself I smile, slim chance it will happen tonight, of all nights.
So much that, when she calls me later on giggling, I thought she was just putting a show for Jenny's benefit….
But she wasn't.
My baby isn't a baby anymore.
There was a huge row the day after as she (conveniently) forgot to call in the morning, forgot we talked about her coming back in the mid morning, forgot her cat, forgot that her mum cannot get out of bed alone in the morning….
and when se calls me, she asks:
–Mae, you know when we make the taggliatelli with ham and mushrooms?
–yeahhhhhhh….?????– says me, half asleep, not realizing it's already midday
–well, yeah, which kind of cream do we buy? single or double?-
–oh, nothing, just coz I'm gonna make it for us because Betty has to go ou..….-
and here is where I started shouting, like a proper insane being, every word I could think of in kind of punishments which would happen in case she wasn't at home within the next 20 minutes.
which she did.
but in the mean time I called her mobile and bleeding Betty picks it up, so I ask to be put through to my child, please.
–ah, she isn't here, she went out to buy something for me– she says….
and I told her what I thought.
that made me even angrier.
Sarita comes back and I confiscate her mobile, the iPod, her travel card and her lunch card.
(she kept asking why would I take away her lunch card, to be honest, I dunno)
and I said: until monday.
Now you are gonna stay in your bedroom, no tele or computer until Dancing on Ice (sunday eve) and that will be only if you behave these couple of days. Which she did.
Another step forward: she is reading, and loving it.
First Jane Eyre, then Girl,15, now Chicken Soup for the teenage soul.
But in the middl of this argument I forgot the pervious night event.
Never mind, later on she comes to ask me a few questions, ask me for pads, my heat in a click pad wasn't ready so I made a hot water bottle and told her stories of how my mum and my Grandma would heat water and put it inside a glass Coca-Cola bottle (only ones we had, in those times), wrap it with a towel when I was suffering…
But now we have Buscopan… LOL
We had a pleasant, quiet, at times in deep conversation, weekend in my bad, reading, making Scrapblogs together,
chatting, listening to music, eating (loooots of chocolate!) and she stayed today, didn't send her to school. (I know what you could be thinking, these days is no excuse for not going to school, but as was a first, and she had redeemed herself, and she had PE….well, yeah, I confess: I was having too much of a great time, enjoying the (what could be) last of my daughter as a child…..
I know the friendship, the bond we have will remain.
But I also know now the outside world will start claiming her…and I have read Gibran enough times to know I need, I have to let her free…. and in my intense way I pray for her to be safe, healthy and happy.
And now I'm gonna go because I'm starting to tear already.
I just had to make a record of this.