It’s a Mum’s [or Mom’s] World! [and it ain’t easy!]

I had 24 different jobs in my life. None of them was even nearer as difficult, complicated and exhausting as being the mother to a teenager. I have to admit I am quiet lucky she didn’t decide she wanted to do the -teenage rebellion for nothing- thing until almost her 17th birthday a few months ago, but when she did, oh boy …she did. Full on. I have been suffering this and is the worse job ever… and you can’t give up. You can’t resign, not when you have the concept of motherhood I have… 

Teenage Mantra- click image for credits-

Today I started my morning with an absolutely amazing blog post from one of my most favourite writers, Patricia Volonakis Davis ,which you will need to read in order to understand my rumblings here. So, take 5 minutes to read The Little Pink Pill and come back if you wish.

I had mastered the art of  *No Thing*… most of my life was a constant battle because I was one of those saying it, no matter what. I have to say, at this very moment in time, I’m faced with the stress & all complicated feelings that come by educating a 17 years old (whom, of course, thinks she has it all figured out & I’m being -ridulous/silly/a pain in the butt/insert appropriate word here-). I am fully conscious of the fact that some of the extreme difficulty now comes from the inability to do the *No Thing* when she was little, be that because I didn’t want her to hurt, I didn’t think it would hurt or I just didn’t want to hurt myself….

As a matter of fact I have been about to write to Patricia on this issue, and I had to confess I remembered some thoughts I had when I first saw her counsel posts (as in people writing to her for advice, the agony aunt kinda thing) that feeling of “oh I don’t think I would do that” but for one of the very first times in my life, I was lost in a crossroads not knowing which direction to walk to… and faced with the realisation of a hard truth of one of those roads would be evicting your child from your physical life…me, who have spent 20 years criticising the British for doing so…

So back to Patricia and her [as usual] wise words…. do not think it is ever too late to start doing the *No Thing* though,teenage of course, the earlier the start, the better the results. I’m not going to tell you the teenage thing got sorted by the *No Thing* completely, but we are in a better phase now, even though I have to force myself to do the *No Thing* -and all the actions that come attached to it- again & again. Once again too I find myself being grateful to this amazing, wonderful, awesome (love that so North American word!!!! LOL) woman who writes wisely, funny, selfless pieces and whom I have the joy & pride of calling my FRIEND. If you haven’t yet read her blog posts, her books, well, you should. Find her HERE and delight yourself whilst making a new friend, none of my friends who have gotten her books as presents from us has regretted it, neither will you.

Back to my teenage -iknowitall- daughter, I have one little word of caution, as I’m not very good at advice: as a mother, I have learned to trust my intuition. I am friends with my child, and this has allowed me to tune in that perception, and I’m telling you, I have been right 99.9% of the times. I did not like the girl she was hanging around with, and I was right. I allowed her to rip this girl of her life in her own terms, I had to, to have the results I thought I would see. Of course the battle does not end here. And sometimes I am so tired with all the little battles I fight every minute of the day [oh.. just every day stuff of the 21st century like financial hardship, 24/7 pain/not being acknowledge by society, etc, etc, etc] that is too easy to fall into oblivion and forget about the *No Thing*…just, don’t [forget it] I reckon is the most powerful tool for a healthy life and it works out in physics well too: negative attracting the positive. 

Here are some of my pages that this whole situation created:

Imperfect Teen Thing -click image for credits-

Should Know Better -click image for credits-


Once again, thanks Patricia. For reminding us all those things we have in our brain but sometimes are unable to put it into the [so very wise] words the way you do. Once again too, thank you for making us part of your life. And with that I go before I walk into the cheesey style my friends usually laugh about. Oh well.. LOL. Until the next!!!!!



About thelatinmrspeel

in the process of moving blogs, so more will come later
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3 Responses to It’s a Mum’s [or Mom’s] World! [and it ain’t easy!]

  1. It’s so ironic how this comes back full circle–from me to you, from you back to me. The part that stings the most and hits home the most, is the part where you said you didn’t want to say “no” to your daughter, because you didn’t want her hurt. Join the club. The part where you said you didn’t want to abandon her in an physical sense because that’s too commonly done. Join the club. I am also just now realizing it’s not too late to say “no” to our grown children–at least I hope not. I have a 25 year old, whom I love more than life itself. But I don’t have to tell you that, because I see it in every word you write about Sarita, that you feel the same. Yesterday, I basically told him, “you’re on your own for now.” He has done everything to mess up his life and I have been agonizing for over 8 months on WHY. Naturally, it comes back to us as mothers- did we do our best? Where did “we” fail? I put the we in parentheses because it hit me how badly I was raised and many of my friends, as well. And yet, we made CHOICES that eventually improved our lives, not made them worse. Right now, my son is making choices that are destroying his life, and the hardest thing was to recently realize that they are his choices to make. Sarita is 17, not 25, but I will tell you that his bad choices started at that age, too, and I wish I had had the courage to say “no” to him then. I’m saying it now, and it’s no less hard. So, I hear you, dear. loud and clear and I’m thinking of yo and Sarita. XXX

    • Thinking of you too… I have a friend, a writer whom I wanted to take to Greece to your workshop, (we will make it eventually) who had a smilar situation: her son was probably Nick’s age when she had to say it, the you are on your own thing…doing the no thing with your child isn’t easy, but I reckon if we don’t…life goes even wronger…. Huge hugggzzz

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